I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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