Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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