Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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