ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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