hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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