He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
