I can text with my tongue
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
