i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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