At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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