I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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