my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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