he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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