Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
