the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He kissed a someone with a penis
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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