i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
