my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
