My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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