I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
