You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
