Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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