Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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