is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
