And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
