Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
