I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
