dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
