if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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