I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
