So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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