id be glad to
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
