so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
