Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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