I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
