Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
