before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
