you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
