in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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