shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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