My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
