That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
