just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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