My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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