I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
