well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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