he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
