So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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