I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
