It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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