I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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