i think my tv is drunk
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
