His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
