yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
