Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
