Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
