I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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