i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
