She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
