those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
